Mail I sent to my kids after my mothers's funeral - I

Date: Wed, 9 Apr 2003 02:08:18 - 0700 (PDT)
From: "satish reddy"
Subject: From Bangalrore
To: V and V

Dear V/V

Since you asked .. I am sending this mail.

Reached Bangalore around 4:45AM.  I had no
problems during the journey except that I could
not sleep on the Airplane.  Aunt Sumithra joined
me at New York.

Uncle Veeraapa and my cousin Nagajyothi (Jo) were
at the Airport.  I asked Jo, "How everyone was
doing?".  He said, "Fine. Everyone has taken it
(the death of grandma) in their stride", he said.

On the way home he told me that (elders) have
decided that I perform the last rites for mother.
Usually the last rites for mother are performed
by the youngest son and that of father are
performed by the eldest son.    When my father
passed away I could not perform the rites
as I was late.  So it should be me .. that should
be doing it this time.

We reached Banashankari (the place where my
mother spent last few days with my sister) around
5:30AM.  My sister, and my mothers' older and
younger sisters were there.  I was told that
there will be a "wake" at Rajajinagar
between 10:00AM and 12:00Noon and the cremation
would follow thereafter at Harishchandra Ghat
crematoriam.

I had a cup or two of coffee.  We all talked
about the things we talked to her during her last
few days and as well as some things she had said
or done in the past.

My two aunts and their neice and myself got
picked at 9:30AM and we went to Rajajinagar.
Rest of them came in a different car.
My brother (Sharan) and sister (Rama) had gone to
pick grandma's body from St.Johns Hosiptal
(morgue).

Uncle Sharan and Aunt Rama brought grandma's body
around 10:15AM in an ambulance.  Grandma's body
was placed on a bed.   We all payed her respects
and prayed for peace.  I placed  your farewell
cards right next to her.

An oil lamp with a cotton wick was lit and placed
in front of grandma's picture.  This lamp will
burn for the next few days.(1)

A small contained fire was started in front of
the house. This is how one informs the neighbors
that there has been a death in the family and for
neighbors to come and pay respects.

All friends and relatives who came paid respects
to grandma by touching her feet and going around
the bed once, or twice or thrice.  Some placed
flower on her and some lit incense sticks.

I saws lots of faces. Some new and some old.
Everytime I come to India (once every few years),
I see some new faces and some old faces.  Some
old faces I see no more.  Even the faces that are
familiar look different.  They are the not the
same faces that I saw years before.  I see a
passage of time, and I see what it brings

Your cousins Appu, Varun and Jagruthi were there.
Appu looked sad.  She just sat silently outside
on the stair case that lead to the house
upstairs.

Once the viewing was done .. the grandma's body
was brought outside and placed on the floor along
with the bed.  Oil, soap and water poured on her
hair by all of us.  This was symbolic bath.
Everyone bowed.  Thereafter the body was placed
on a traditional stretcher.  The stretcher is
nothing but a baboo ladder on which straw was
placed and then topped with a piece
of white cloth.  The body was placed on this
stretcher.  I placed your farewell cards under
grandma's body.  Grandma's body was then placed
in a truck and was carried to the crematorium.
In the old days before automobile was invented,
it would be carried by four people on their
shoulders!

As per the custom .. the traditional rice
ceremony, water ceremony was performed.  At the
end of the ceremony the pots were dropped and
broken.

The stretcher was brought near the final place -
the electric crematorium.  Camphor was placed on
body .. I was told to lit it and then leave the
room without looking back.   This act of
lighting camphor placed on the body is purely
symbolic of the past.  In the old days a pyre was
actually lit.  These days there are electric
crematorium and no lighting is really required.
I lit the camphor and left the room.  The body
was then pushed in to the oven.  That was the end
of her journey.

The next day we collected the ashes (mostly
unburnt bones) and we drove to Srirangapattana, a
river island once the capital of Tippu Sultan.
Tippu Sultan was the first person in the world to
use rockets in warfare (against the British).
You can see his rockets in London museum.

To the priest's incantaions .. water, milk and
ghee (clarified butter) was poured in to the pot
containing the ashes by all grandma's children.
After a few more incantations by the priest, we
took a small round boat and went to the spot
where two branches of the same river meet.  The
pot containing the ashes was thrown into the
river along with the pot. The pot was thrown
backwards over the head.  I was told not to
lookback.

(Note: The place where two or more rivers meet is
called "sangam"  meaning "union" and is
considered sacred by all Hindus.)

What Next?

There will be a ceremony on the 12/13th day of
passing away.  That marks the end of the mourning
period.  There will be a short ceremony
officiated by a priest with some traditional
incantations. This day marks the end of sorrow.
Unlike the previous two ceremonies which
are solemn this will be a joyous one.  It is not
about death but about life.  It will be about
celebration. A rejuvination.  A celebration by
the living.  The food on the menu will usually
consists of favorite items of grandma.  All
friends and family are invited.

Some people do this every month for one year and
then once a year every year.  Most people just do
it once a year on the day of passsing away.  But
it will be limited just to the immediate family.

=====
May all beings be happy!

Notes: A light/lamp is lit after the death of a  person.
Those who missed the funeral will pay  repects to the
lamp (as if it the person who departed). 

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